animalstalkinginallcaps:

PETERSON! WHERE ARE THOSE REPORTS? MEETING’S IN FIVE, AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE BUY A SUIT IN YOUR SIZE. WHO ARE YOU, PETE WENTZ?

MATHERS! PROJECTIONS FOR THE THIRD QUARTER. YESTERDAY. YOU ONLY WORK HERE BECAUSE I’M MARRIED TO YOUR SISTER.

WHERE’S MY MACCHIATO? WHY IS THAT PHONE RINGING?

CAROL, IF THAT IS A PERSONAL CALL I WILL HAVE IT TRACED AND BURN DOWN THE HOUSE OF THE PERSON ON THE OTHER SIDE.

COME ON, PEOPLE! I CAN’T RUN A SUCCESSFUL STRING OF SUBWAY FRANCHISES WITHOUT A LITTLE HELP! YOU’RE MY ‘A’ TEAM (EXCEPT MATHERS) BUT IN THIS ECONOMY I CAN REPLACE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WITH TWO POSTGRADUATE STUDENTS FOR HALF THE PAY. SHAPE UP OR YOU’LL BE BEGGING ME TO LET YOU SMEAR AVOCADO PASTE ON SIX INCHES OF ITALIAN HERB AND CHEESE BREAD BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK.

animalstalkinginallcaps:

WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE. IT’S A SERIOUS PROBLEM AND CAN TAKE HUNDREDS OF YEARS OF PREEMPTIVE ACTION TO EFFECTIVELY PROTECT FUTURE GENERATIONS.

WHY DON’T YOU POST SOMETHING ON TWITTER? YOU TOTALLY TOPPLED MUBARAK LAST YEAR WITH YOUR CLEVER HASHTAGS. I ERASED THE MESSAGE ON ACCIDENT BUT YOUR PRAYERS REALLY HELPED JAPAN, TOO. THEY ACTUALLY CALLED AND SAID THANK YOU; EVERYTHING WAS FIXED IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE OF YOUR TOKEN TWEET OF SUPPORT. BRITTANY MURPHY CALLED AS WELL. SHE WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR SPELLING HER NAME WRONG WHEN YOU POSTED YOUR HEARTFELT R.I.P.

TWITTER IS A POWERFUL TOOL.

I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU. STOP TALKING AND DO SOMETHING FOR ONCE.